In Closing

I didn't realize how much time I don't have to do this. So, I'm doing it now:)
2009
This year, I had some sort of personal enlightenment. I started this blog. I wrote and wrote posts, stories, songs. I made four new bestfriends. I lost two. I fell in love, fell out of love, and then actually fell in love. The first time wasn't real. I lead someone on to bring them to God. I failed. I think. Michael Jackson died. I taught myself to play guitar. I became the wind. I grew closer to Jesus. Immensely so. I found where I belong, where my heart is: Boston. I threw a penny off the top of the Empire State Building. I walked into the ocean at sunset on the Boston Harbor. I got my braces off. I directed a musical. I learned who I am. Somewhat x). I stuck out of my house everynight this summer to look at the stars. I found a new favorite band. I struck inspiration, and passed it on. I fell off a third tier top bunk everyday. I embraced a thunderstorm. I was given a glowstick bracelet and a white Christmas light. I found my identity in necklaces. I said goodbye, I said you're beautiful, I said Let Me Be The Wind.
And the ball dropped.

Follow Through

My past is exhausting. Why did I put up with those people?
Oh, that's right.
I didn't.
When I felt too depended on, I fled.
I...
I don't like that.
That's not a good way to handle things.
But that's what I do.
Whyyyyyyy?
I can't be depended on.
It's like an illness.
Age truly doesn't matter enough to be an aspect in understanding.
All those notes.
Ugh. They make me sick.
I deny change too often.
Everyone changes.
I change drastically, for better and worse, but at the same time I don't.
I still wear my black chucks, and blast Hutch in my room.
But I don't compromise standards anymore.
I owe a lot of people apologies, I just don't know if they'd take me seriously.
RJF'N: "Let it go."
Alright.
I'll try that.

All hail the heartbreaker.

All good things come to end. Don't you hate when you feel like you should go sit in a corner of some dirty dungeon because you did the right thing?
The best to love something is to realize that it might be lost.
A lot of the time we think that we're heartbroken, when really...we're just behind. We haven't caught up with the other persons feelings or thoughts. Don't feel bad.
If it happens, It's meant to be.
If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
Every little thing is gonna be alright.

JJ- You taught me how you dream. I'll teach you how to love.

I think the first time I ever talked to you was on facebook chat. Something about blue mountain dew. The next day I was going to Six Flags. You gave me your number. And I texted you about how much I hate roller coasters. Then I started writing, and you started reading:). You agreed with pretty much everything I wrote about. We kept saying that we should start hanging out. But we never really got around to it. Then I asked you about Falls Creek. Then You came to be a Purple Pirate with me. You made me a bracelet and we hugged and cried together. Somewhere in between that you adopted me. x)). Then the day that I went to get my scoliosis test, I saw you outside school and I got out of the car and hugged you. Then we had a mutual...umm...experience. I'm glad you flew away from that. :) The wind doesn't need that.
OH. Ohhhh:) Then you were named the wind, like me.:) Actually, I chose that name. And he respected my choosing and saw our similarities. I like that. We're the Wind now. I like having you to be the Wind with me. A lot of people don't understand what it means.
You understand me. I know of...three..and a half people who really really understand me. I know a lot of people. So, being one of those three and a half... that's special. :) Every little doodle I put on every note. They all have a reason. They all have weird Lexie thoughts backing them up. You get that:) People don't understand why we laugh. I don't really understand it ^_^. But I respect mystery. We were just two girls, now we're best friends. Now we're the wind.
You taught me how to dream. I'll teach you how to love.

Jump.

What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below, or a hand to hold, or Hell to pay. What do you say?
Worrying is stupid. Like...I just don't understand it. In any situation worrying is stupid. If someone has cancer. What is worrying going to do? O.o Nothing. If someone gets hit by a semi on Christmas day. Worryyyyinggg. Instead you should be talking or loving or taking pictures or making memories or remembering memories or telling stories. It's kind of sad really. People spend they're whole lives worrying.

They worry so much that it becomes a distraction from every chance and opportunity. Or, they get that stupid nostalgia thing. If it's not right now, then it's not supposed to be right now.
If it happens, it's meant to be.
If it's mean to be, it'll happen.

Of Substance.

I've got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.
I look in your eyes and know it'll be alright.
I don't care about tomorrow.
I'm in love with today.
I've got one life to live,
and I like it that way.
Let's get out of this town.
We were meant for much more.
Let's chase the sky,
embrace the whole world.

Colbie.

I'm not sure how to start this oneee. Ok, so I used to listen to songs about how...You like a guy but he doesn't like you and you can't seem to man up (figure of speech) enough to tell him that you like him so instead you write a song about it. Actually. I've written about...seven of those songs.. ANYWAYS. :) I could relate to them. And now I can't.
I like that.
I'm really big on comfort.
I listen to music that makes me comfortable, and I look at pictures that make me comfortable. I surround myself with people that make me comfortable. I eat food that makes me comfortable and I go places that make me comfortable. I light candles a lot and doodle alot and wear hoodies a lot because those things make me comfortable.
All my thoughts are dancing around. ^_^I kind of want a puppy...
What I'm saying:
I have no idea.
:)

< Blizzard 3

Love is when your boyfriend asks you to stay up until 12:00 am on Christmas Eve, so He can be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas.
:)

Lexie.

Sunflowers. Rain. Wind. Bracelets. Photographs. Acoustic. Emily. God. Free. Observant. Curious. Classic. Ocean waves. Augustana. Mexico. Composition notebooks. Utica Square. Boston. Old Jeep. Winter. Artist. There. Love. True. Deep. Dark blue and purple nailpolish. Grandma's ring. Birds. Dreamcatchers. Bonnie. Polka-dotted backpack. Mellow. Candles. Pillows. Leaves on the ground. Warm sunrise. Lalala. Starbucks. Sunrise River hat. Black Chuck Taylor's. Books. Nice. Sweet. Saved. Smirk. Smile. Born in black and white. Unsure. Fearless.

Kiss Me Goodbye

I'm defying gravity.

I think I remember the film:)

People look at me when I smile at this beautiful world, and say "Crazy girl." But I don't hear them because God's glory is singing too loudly.

Give me something to believe in.

Clouds and Jesus tell the best stories ^.^




Oh, Hi Alex.
:P
:)

I don't wanna sit on the pavement when You fly.

Today is November eighteenth, two-thousand and nine. Hi. :).
About a week ago, I decided that I'm not going to be afraid anymore. Of anything.
I'm fearless, now.
It's great:)
The other day in drama, my friend was performing her standard oratory, and she said something that I keep reminding myself of. "Worrying is about as helpful as chewing gum to solve an algebra problem." I know, it's deep, right? X)
ANYWAYS
So, being fearless is surprisingly easy. All this crap from 6 months ago, yeah that stuff, I basically picked it up, went :P, and tossed it behind me. It felt niiice.
The stuff from mid-July thennn, mid-August, thennn, mid- Spetember, yeahhh, it's not that I didn't like that stuff, it's just thaaat...that wasn't where I should be.
Right here, right now, yeah, this is where I should be. Riiiight here. Here. I like it here.
Buuuut I'm not going to stay here long. I'm the wind, ya know.
:P
ANYWAYS
Brooklyn, we need to go to starbucks. Meet some cool starbucks employees. Oh yes.
Futhermore, I would like to state that I am extremely fond of November. Also, I highly recommend becoming fearless.

Lots and lots of rooms.

I opened a drawer and found this little coin purse that belonged to my Great Grandma. It's from Spain. I want to go to Spain.
When I went to New York, I was expecting to be jealous of everyone that lives there and how they get to breath the New York air every single day. I wasn't though. I was proud. It's hard to explain. Like, instead of wishing I could live there, I was just happy that I was a part of the same country. We're all one country. One place.
A lot of times people tend to go to college in the state where they live. I don't understand that. Unless you're just like crazy in love with Oklahoma (bahaha), why would you stay here to go to college? Kind of like this: Say your favorite color is...red. Then one day you decide that it's gray. You can always change it ro red again. You can always come back. Remember that. You can always come back. Like: If you go to college in California, it's not a big deal to come back to Oklahoma.
Then there's an even bigger picture. The whole world:) It's just one place. Small world.

Yes, that would be amazing.

AUGUST 12, 2009 2:17 AM: "This sky makes me so happy. My little worries just shrink beneath it's greatness."

AUGUST 12, 2009 2:21 AM: " I've decided that the night sky is a mirror of the world. Darkness. With little glimmers of hope everywhere. You just have to look for them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not many things can provoke a seventeen year old boy to make statements like these. The sky at 2AM, August 12, 2009 can. I'm pretty sure that sky could make mountains move, considering the King of Kings designed it. Nothing has ever shown me more of God's glory than that sky. I hope I get to see it again. :).

Elephant Love Medley

You asked for my help. Here it is.
I pretty much know nothing about relationships, but I know a lot about love.
I know these things because I read my Bible, I'm observant, and I'm not easily influenced.
Okay.
- Loving someone and being in love with someone are different. Very different.
- If you tell a girl you love her, she's going to believe you.
- If you tell a girl you're in love with her, she's not ever going to forget it. Even when it doesn't apply anymore.
- Don't lie. Lying is what idiots do.
- I know you can't make up your mind, but try.
Now I have to quote something. You're going to recognize this.
"Love is a many splendid thing! Love...lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"
The hard part to this statement~ all the freaking different kinds of love. People love...the beach. People love chicken, and treehouses, and their teachers when they don't assign homework. Loving those things and loving someone, an actual person, are the most different things in the world. You don't love her like you love Times Square. You don't love her like you love Muse. It's different. Figure out what kind of love you feel for her. And tell her.
Make it plain. One of the worst things you can do to a girl is not tell her what you're really thinking, because we know when you don't. We don't know what you're actually thinking, but we know that what you told us you're thinking isn't what you're really thinking.
Tell her in a way that she can't in any way distort your words with her wishes.
Another thing that might help, is to consider your situation as no big deal. It will give you a fresh perspective. It's simple: Decide. Declare.

FISHTACOS

You're not dumb. :]

Just Like Home

Sometimes, Life is like...a lemon square. Pretty, and nice, and sweet, and good. But then it crumbles into pieces. It's still nice, and good, and everything. It's just in little pieces. Which is okay. Pieces can be good:] They're not bad. Anything in pieces can be put back together. Except maybe a lemon square... Hmm.

Mmhmm. Oh Yeah.

-America is supposed to be the most wonderful country in the world. And yettt, our idiot President is paying for abortions in third world countries AND GETTING NOBEL PRIZES. Yeah. I'm p.o'ed. And then that's not enough so we bomb the moon? To see if there is WATER ON IT. For. Cereal. I wish George Washington and William Penn, my Love, could get their hands on Obamaaa. That's mean. I'm sorry. This is putting me in a bad mood. It also bothers me thaaat no one really seems to be doing anything about it.

-When I went to D.C. I saw this woman that lives in a tent across from the Whitehouse. She's lived there for thirty years. She's old, and weird, and dirty, but I admire her so much.

Jamacian Gazelle

A wise friend of mine once wrote: "Let it go."

A.P.T.I.W.L.N.Y.I.K.I.S.D.J.M.K.T.I.L.Y.A.

Like mosaic tiles My God has designed me. :]

Blue. Calm. Thoughtful.

Green. I will climb a tree.

Yellow. The sun. Warm. Love.

Purple. Declaring His majesty.

White between. Hope. Purity.

And colors that can't be seen.

Wind. Freedom. Redeem. :]

All placed in perfect order.

Adorned with a heart, let me pull it together.

A mosaic.

Pieces.

Imagine the chance.

Sunflowers dancing along to my song.

I've met you. Love the moon. Love the stars.

I will. It won't take long. :]

He has pieced me together. Not by chance, by plan.

It's not coincidence that I am who I am.

<3

Sunflower

"Is taking a bullet for someone suicide?"-L
"No. It's love."-J

High Rise Veins On The Avenue :)

It's cool to think that everyone you ever meet in your whole life effects you. Everyone leaves a mark your life. Examples? Say you meet someone in like, high school and they tell you about their favorite song in all of this wonderful universe and then they move away and you don't see them for the rest of forever. Well, you'll remember that they loved that song. You'll hear it on the radio and be reminded:). A memory. Everyone that you've ever met, you've met for a reason. Like the girl that loves peach tea way too crazy much:) Whom you should really spend more time with because she's amazing. Or that friend you've had since you were like zero years old and will probably have forever because it would just be weird if you weren't friends even if you only talk like once a month when your mom drags you to their house and tells you you're spending the night, and he has a friend over so they keep barging into the room that you're staying in and stealing your table because they need it and then they won't leave alone so basically you have two teenage guys just loitering and being annoying in your temporary bedroom. Or or or that old lady that lives across the street and is obsessive with her yard and has a 'beware of dog' sign even though she hasn't owned a dog since like the 20's, just so bad guys don't try to get her. Or maybe the guy who works at the gas station and all he knows about you is your name and that you get jones soda every beautiful day. Or your best friend's cousins that pretend to hate you but you know that deep down they secretly don't haaate you, they just think you're the most annoying little girl that's ever walked the planet. And the little mexican boy that had the locker beneath yours and butterflyed you CONSTANTLY. They've all entered your wisp of a life for a reason:). It's exciting to think that you're going to meet soooo many people. And they're all. Going. To. Be. Different. :) The canvas that is life will be splattered and stroked by all kinds of colors :) Get reeeeaaaddddyy:) GAH I'm excited:)

It's A Marvelous Night For A Moondance

Someday, someone will walk into your life and you'll realize why it never worked with anyone else.

Long Live Life :)

I'm really dissapointed in myself. Kill the messenger? What kind of crap is that? Messengers are wonderful. We're all messngers in a way. Everytime you share a song, a picture, a moment with someone...you're a messenger. I'm a huuuge messenger. Look at this! Look at all of these blog posts! Messages! Iwouldn't kill myself would I? I wouldn't kill anyone. There's no doubt in my mind that my beloved Andrew Mcmahon was craaazy drunk when he wrote those lyrics. Doctors, Artists, Musicians, Pastors, Teachers, Writers, all of these outstanding people are messengers. What would we be without them? We'd be sick, boring, silent, misguided, illiterate, nothings. That's what we'd be. Long Live The Messenger. :) The messenger is deathproof. Society lives on. Society has a big, message-spreading, beautiful mouth that cannot die. I encourage you to learn, and live, and dance, and sing, and create, and write, and be all that you can, I encourage you to be a messenger:) They keep the world going. You're going to meet someone someday and they'll be waiting to hear, see, experience your message. Have it ready. Know what you love. Share it:) I'm soooo unbelievably sorry. For being so stupid. :) Let the messenger live. Keep living:)

I went swimming. I didn't really like it. It was pretty awful. I jumped out, and went swimming in another pool. I liked it:) It was nice. But, more difficult. But, it was worth it. It is worth it. I want to swim for a really long time. Like a looong time. I think I can too. Maybe:) If no one else does. I don't like doing things that other people do. But, I'm sure the pool won't stay mine. That's ok. There'll be other pools to swim in. Swim:) But what should I do? Keep swimming. Andrew would tell me to keep swimming. But Andrew has to keep a puke bucket by his piano at his concerts. And Andrew can't go ten seconds without using an inappropriate word. And he's not talking about the kind of swimming I'm talking about. I swim the way that I swim. The pool is used to different kinds of swimmers. Gahhh, this pool is amazing. It's not on fire. It's chill. Haha. Ya know how earlier I said that it's ok that the pool won't stay mine? I don't think I'm so ok with that. It's out of my control though. I think I'll wade in the pool, get out when I want to, when I need too. We'll see what happens:) I keep swimming in circles. In this pool. Grrr, I want to forget about the other pool. I am forgetting. Forgotten:) I think I'm staying afloat pretty nicely now:) I hope it stays this way. I'm no swimmer. The pool wants me to swimswimswim, and I want to, but I can't. GRAHURGH. We'll see how this goes. It might take years. The next pool I swim in could be in Beunos Aires, Argentina, or it could be in some direction I don't know even exitsts yet. We'll see.

Sincerely, William Martin Joel

"Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you're so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid? Where's the fire? What's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out. You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day." -Vienna, Billy Joel. I could sit here and retype the lyrics for hours. It's like Billy knew something that no one else did...I just want to flee to his Long Island home and thank him repeatedly. Billy Joel tried to commit sucide at age 21. Seven years before Vienna's album was released. And now I'm thanking God for Billy's failure at taking his life. Because if I had never heard that song, I would be....messed up. Majorly. Every time I listen to it, I can't believe how much I relate. "You know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want, or you can just get old. You're gonna kick off before you even get half way through. When will you realize...Vienna waits for you?" It's almost like, sometime in the early 1970's this amazing man sat down and just started writing: Dear...Girl (Idk, don't judge me)
-insert lyrics here-
Sincerely,
William Martin Joel
:) I have close to five hundred songs in my iTunes library. "Vienna" is the third most played. Right under Collide (Howie Day) and Fast Car (Tracy Chapman). "Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you want to be before your time. Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight..." "You've got your passion, you've got your pride. But, don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize? Vienna waits for you." When will I realize? :)

Every Single Second

I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be the daughter of a King. ...But I am. I don't deserve God's prescense in my heart, in my life. Yet, I have it. He's my savior, father, role model, inspiration, breath, soul, creator, guide, rock, He is my everything. I don't deserve to even know Him, but that's what He wanted. And it gives me butterflies just to think about how He...wants to know me. He wants to know me. God does. He knows where I'm going, and where I've been, and where I'll never go, and everything single thing that I will do every single second of this life He's given me. Dear Lord, I'm crying. Haha. Thinking about His grace, His glory, just thinking about Him makes me cry. Gah, I'm such a girl. And I know that He's smiling down at me, He's smiling through me, because He knows I love him. I want to chase after You, God. I want to see every inch of your beautiful, indescribeable creation. I can't get over it. I cannot stop crying for You and Your sacrifice. Sacrifice. I cannot stop thinking about You, God. I love you. Not only that, my God, I am madly in love with you. Loving someone and being in love with someone are different things. And I'm sorry, God, but it's hard for me to believe that You're also madly in love with me. But I know it's true. I'm going to believe it, because I love you, God, and because I know that you do not, and will never, lie to me. You're unstoppable, no limits, You are the limits, You grace me with Your sunsets, You tell me about yourself through Your nonparishable word, You sweep me off my feet everytime You give me that beautiful thing with the understated name. Rain. I love it, God. I love you, God. Let what I write in here, fill the streets out there, God. I can't imagine what will happen when I see You, God. Will I dance? Sing? Faint? Shout? Knowing me, I will probably trip over something and make a fool of myself in Your Holy prescense and like break a bone or fracture something. But, I won't. Because You will catch me. I'm crying again. Since when am I such an emotional person. I am not pregnant, that's not why. Maybe it's because I'm just thinking about You, God. :) Yeah, I'm positve that that's the reason.

Let Me Be The Wind

I can't handle being tied down. I don't like for people to depend on me, unless you're Rachel, Brooklyn, Meridith, Haley, or Morgan. Like, I don't know. I just can't. Sometimes I just stand up and walk somewhere. Away. Because I need to know that I have the freedom to do so. Free Spirit: A person with a highly individual or unique attitude, or lifestlye; nonconformist. I suppose that that's kind of what I'm getting at. I don't like for people to make decisions for me. I don't know. I just get this crazy desire to rebel sometimes. I love the idea of just flying away. Like one day, (when I have a car) I'm just going to wake up at like four in the morning, spin around, and drive in whatever direction I'm facing. I want to close my eyes and jump. I want to grab my acoustic and go sit in a tree. Most people that know me, know that I will just lay on the ground anytime or place. Why not? I like laying on the ground. I like looking up at the sky and realizing that I live in a giant, beautiful snowglobe. This post is more personal than others, sorry. I want to pick up all my amazing friends at 2:00 A.M. and go somewhere to watch the stars. I don't want to have to be somewhere. I want to walk to a place that I've never been before. URGH. I just want to...go! Does anyone else ever feel that way? I don't like...sitting. I don't like...containment. I like...freedom. I like...being able to just go outside and stare at the sky without question. I'm not good with responsibilty, or reason, or expectation. I just can't, ok? Ok. :)

Collide

It will storm for thirty more minutes. The stupid weathermen think that they have some sort of upperhand for some reason. Can't you just shut up? For one second? Yes, we are aware that it's raining and most of us would love if you could shut your freaking mouth and let us enjoy it. If you left it up to me everday would be....everyday would be like this. Kill the messenger, and if killing's to extreme, turn off the tv. Maybe I can get a petetion signed, and get him fired. Oh, that would be....amazing. Losing his precious weatherman job, HA! So I turned up Hutch so I don't have to listen to those idiots. I probably shouldn't call them that. They went to college and everything, I've just always had this weatherman-aversion. Don't they see? They have no control right now. None. They're just wasting their time, wasting the time they have with the rain. "Most Tulsans are concerned that they won't be able to enjoy their afternoon off!" Idiots. My frontyard is semi-flooded and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. A real weatherman would go in a room, alone, sit in the dark and listen to it. Then they would come out of their weatherman-cave and attempt to describe what they heard. The picture I'm getting, trying to imagine this is kind of hilarious. A generic weatherman coming out of this room all wild-eyed and confused, trying to make since of how something could be so beautiful. That't the thing. It makes no since. It's just water. But it's more than that.

Deep Sea Second

Andrew McMahon of Something Corporate: Somedays all I do is watch the sky. Of course, in his context, this statement was less relatable. Watch the sky. Watching the sky. Watching the sky? What for? Maybe because the sky will never ever look like it does this very second. Go look at the sky. The clouds, the moon, the stars, the color. The sky is God's canvas, and it's constantly changing. Right now, 10:17 P.M. June 10, 2009 is the only 10:17 P.M. June 10, 2009 that will ever exist. Minutes only live to be sixty seconds old. (How depressing does that sound?) Don't waste your minutes. Don't waste a good sky by doing something stupid under it. Embrace it and savor it. :) Savor it. I haven't found the words to explain what this is supposed mean. Please comment if this makes any sense at all. And go look at this sky, it will never be here again.

"No One Could Have Scripted This"

Earlier today I realized that very rarely do any of us hear the same song. We all interpret lyrics differently. The one who actually wrote the lyrics that we obsess over and memorize and tuck away in the back of our minds, might not have intended for the music to speak to you in the way that it has. Fast Car, Tracy Chapman. The song you're listening to could be about something you never thought possible. Jumper, Third Eye Blind. Or the song that you've been listening to for years may just be starting to make sense. Over My Head, The Fray. So now I'm sitting here like some middle-aged romance novelist with my large coffee at close to midnight, trying to explain to you what's been on my mind for the past four hours. Two people could listen to the same song and hear the most different of stories. I'm Ready, Jack's Mannequin. He doesn't want to drown and stop living. He wants to drown in her and never be saved. He's ready to fall into her aura and stay there. Other songs are so relatable, it's insan-... it's ridiculous. :). Happy, Nevershoutnever!. Then there are songs whose lyrics mean close to the same thing to everyone who hears them, just some more intensely than others. Collide, Howie Day. Also, the songs that I wish I could relate to but are too sentimental to the original musician for me to fully understand. Moon River, Audrey Hepburn. Finally, the songs that you love with all your heart and you keep telling them to listen to and they do but they don't get what you're trying to say by telling them to listen to it and they're just like: Oh, that song's crap. but there will always be a part of you that wants them to open they're eyes (ears) and LISTEN to the song. Fire, Augustana. Interpretation is what builds your personal playlist. Music is how people speak to each other. It's how one person speaks to the world, to us. They give us their music and grant us with the freedom to interpret it how we choose, and there is no freedom equivalent to that. Food Chain, Eric Hutchinson.

Hear The Music Before The World Comes Crashing

People can live for one hundred years, and not live for a second. People can live like they're dead. People are idiots. God gave you a life. Do something with it. At your funeral, you don't want everyoneto have to sit around, trying to remember something great that you accomplished. Impact someone, I have and there is no better feeling in the world. Do something. DO something. Do SOMETHING. Carve your name into a tree. Lay down in wet cement. Write a song and belt it at an intersection. People don't forget things like that. Idiots couldn't forget something like that. I promise, you'll regret doing nothing. Do something that you will never ever forget. Meet someone that's impossible to forget. :). Buy a dog. Go to Walmart with your friends and sing and dance in the parking lot. Spin. Crash. Swim. Love. Jump off of something. It's a pastime of mine. Not a bridge or a building, don't be stupid. Jump as in take a risk. Forget everything that's keeping you from staying afloat. Let go of the wires. Stop hating. STOP IT. If you give up, the world will come crashing down on you. Sitting&settling for less is not being alive. Being alive is breathing, and loving that you can breathe. It's being excited to take another breath and keep going. Keep going. Even when you reach your destination, you'll realize you still want to keep going. Live out loud so as to reach all those who don't know how. Humans learn by example, so be one. When someone is asked "What do you want to do before you die?" the reply is usually "sky dive" or "travel" or "write a novel". The reply should be "Do you have awhile? Because before I die I want to live...."

I Jumped The Nonexistent Wall

This morning, at 12:37, I learned something about myself. The day was only thirty-seven minutes old, and I learned something about myself. I suck at boundaries. Like, sometimes I catch myself refusing to accept them, and if that's not an option, then I catch myself denying them. If I played the flute, I would have to play what was written on the sheet music. There would be miniscule space to make that music mine. It would be like some old man who wrote a song one day, is controlling my self-expression. That would suck. But I don't play the flute. I do art. I do art BECAUSE it's limitless. There are no boundaries. Not one. If there were, I don't know if I could love it the same way I do now. I think I love art so much because it kind of scares me a little. Like, what if people don't see what I was going for? Or what if it doesn't impact them in the way I intended? And then, there's the unshakeable fact that it's measureless. I can't imagine having to be contained so much. So I won't. So I suck at: cooking, being careful, and boundaries. And I'm totally ok with all of that :).

I Want A Love Like A Bruised Impala

I have this friend. She's more like my sister, being that we argue, bicker, fight (physically not verbally), and know basically everything about each other. Her favorite color is purple. She loves the rain. She loves to ice skate and is amazing at it. I admire her, in many ways. For example, she knows how to electrocute someone using only a metal chair, jumper cables, and a light switch. She did like one hundred flips on her trampoline once. She can french braid. She puts up with all my crap. She's going to live in Paris when she grows up. Also, she has this list of things she wants to do in her life (owning a convent, learning the drums, things like that) and there is no doubt in my mind that she will accomplish most, if not all, of those things. Owning a convent might be difficult. Impala! She's been my best friend for over...four (four?) years. :). She loves God with all of her being. Kankles. When I had this horse back riding accident and couldn't move anything, she brought me a movie. :). I watched it last night. That's another thing, she loves Kerri Russel. Kind of irrelevant, but that's ok. We both love George and Terrence. We're going to be old ladies like physically hurting each other just for the heck of it. :). She respects my love for Akmenrah. At least, I think she does. I can't remember how my life was before I knew her. Like, I had "best friends" before. Didn't I? I'm not too sure now. I can't wait to see what God has in store for her life. We've not once ever had a class together. Weird. I can't wait until we have cars and we go out to fields and watch lightning and catch fireflies. I am exactly one week older than her, and will never let her forget it. :). She killed a frog for me, once. Adolescent vodka! Haha. The first time she drove Sam's golfcart, she backed it into a tree. We told no one. Without her, I would've starved to death by now. Seriously. Her dog is her. Arabella Skydancer Galinda Elphaba Chenowoof. :). She has braces now, but when she didn't, we would go swimming and she shot water at me through her gaps. >.<. She's been in everyone of my movies. Hi there. I regret not sneaking into that psych ward. One time, we went trick-or-treating in like, April. She set her grass on fire with a sparkler XD. She doesn't care that I still play pokemon on my gameboy. Sometimes, she notices EVERYTHING, it's ridiculous. But other times, she's oblivious and I love that she can be both. "Go get me a fork!"I learned that it's really tough to keep big secrets (i.e. a sibling pregnancy) from her because she's so easy to talk to. It's because of her that I like bananas, I know that mangoes are sweet, I like papayas. Papayas! :). Papayas smell like **-...crap. She is an aunt, and the best one I've ever seen. If I'm ever an aunt, I hope I'm half as good at it as she is. When I told her to improv a song, she did. And it's now classic. She IS Celine Dion. That is all. For now. :) <3 Super Happy Fun Time.

Thank God For Noise.

You've got to swim. Swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you, when you're not so sure you'll survive. You've got to swim, and swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching, you haven't come this far to fall off the earth.
The currents will pull you away from your love. Just keep your head above-swim.

Without music, survival would be impossible. I don't want to think about it. The sympathy I have for people who live in silence is...it's...I don't want to think about it. Fortunately, I don't have to. No one lives in silence. Most people, of my generation at least, listen to actual "music". Actual songs by actual artists who make actual albums. But everyone listens to something. It could be...their footsteps on the pavement, escaping their past, or the breathing of someone they love. UGRGHR that's so freaking sappy. What I'm saying is....it would take a while to say what I'm saying. If you want me to finish this blog, comment and I will. Just for you. Swim. :)

Because.

Wouldn't life be easy if "BECAUSE" were a legitimate answer for everything? "Why did you do that?" "BECAUSE." "Oh, okay." Simple. But it isn't. BECAUSE is a placeholder. It's a word that cowards take advantage of. People use the word BECAUSE when they have zero facts or details to support what they're supporting. It's totally acceptable for BECAUSE to be used when explaining reasoning, but not to be used as the reason. BECAUSE of this, I am hypocrite. But aren't we all, a little bit? I've decided to stop. I'm no longer going to use BECAUSE as an answer. I'm going to actually freaking ANSWER. :)

Hidden In Assumption

I have this friend. One day, we were sitting in class and I gave him this crumpled up piece of paper. I told him it was art. He said, "Why?". And I said, "Because it's symbolic.". And he asked me what that tiny piece of trash was symbolic of. I told him I didn't know, what? And he said:....man. I know he was doing it out of pure sarcasm. He was just thinking of something that would sound deep. But he was right. It was a small piece of white paper, all crushed, folded. With a mere glance it could've been blown off as another scrap of paper. But it's too fantastic too be a scrap of paper. Man. So specifically crafted in the Creator's image. If you think about it, crumpled pieces of paper are kind of like snowflakes. Or people. None are the same. So now, I've come to believe that God gave him those words for a reason. That that small piece of paper really does symbolize man. They're both so fragile, and complex. Yes, I just called that cruched paper complex. It is. It has flaws (like man), it has a future and a past (like man), and it's been crafted so that there will never be a duplicate (like man). I wish that I could find words to tell him how that five second conversation has impacted me. He probably doesn't even remember. But I do, and I'm not planning on forgetting. :)

Ambivivalance Towards Humanity

I like people. They're...ok. Fascinating, actually. But I hate that they can be so generic and predictable. Yet have all this crap saying how original they are. Like that stupid picture from google images, of the bright yellow tack on a bulletin board full of gray tacks. It's on freaking google images. All of society has access to it. That means they can all post it to their profile at whatever.com. They can all print it off and put in their locker. Everyone will become a yellow tack. And the gray tacks will begin to be the special ones. But then there are those individuals, who make it worth it to put up with all the yellow tack carbon copies. People like Katie, and Haley, and Erica, and Ashley. People who design their own clothes, not because "Omg! No one else will have them! I'll be a total trendsetter!" but because they're bursting with self expression and ideas that the world has never experienced. Also, it really irritates me that people think they're going to marry the...JONAS BROTHERS. Get. A. Life. No Jonas Brother is going to marry you. 1. Joe is too conceited to acknowledge anyone. 2. Nick's life has been consumed by "looking cool" and not smiling 3. Kevin...Kevin's gay. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Notice, they have not moved back to Pennsylvania or whatever. Hello: Prop. 8. Ok, I'm done with them. I'm going to wrap this up. Stop being a yellow tack. Be a tack that is a color that no one has seen or expected, better yet, don't be a tack. Be something else. Be you.