this, my explanation

new is best , early is better, we believe this because it's what we've experience.
things are alwase better good seemingly perfect, and then they can't get any better and instead grow worse.
when you meet someone new and they are so cool and intriguing in a completely unorthodox fashion, then you know them more, you know what their favorite color is, then you being to know what drink they will order, and what time they will have to be home, it goes on. seems to be really getting downhill when you start to know what they're going to say. then you know so much that anything and everyone seems more new than they. and we see that as a bad thing because we remember when they were knew and how exciting it was to speak and dig into that persons thoughts and memories, hear stories you could never had imagine because you simply didn't know.
same with many things, seasons, those first signs of summer the sun, the uh lemonade, the wearing as little clothes as possible, then in a month or so or two, it grows so familiar we can't appreciate it anymore. towns, friends, coffeeshops, bands, vegetables, a school year, an idea, a book, this happens so much and it often ends sadly.
but i believe it doesn't have to really, ya know, sure things are exciting new like a splash of water in your face or maybe coffee, maybe even GOLD,. it's a surprise ya know, gold hits your face and you can't help but think damn that was interesting i want more, then gold hits your face everyday and you can't remember what it was like when you never knew what it felt like to have gold hit your face. but also, you can know deeper, people are always changing, things are always being seen realised or remembered. maybe some days there is nothing to say, maybe some months, or maybe just a moment. maybe you just really want to say Gold, get off my face please, i'd like to uh close my eyes for awhile , but perhaps Gold would take offense.
try so to not dwell on comparison between the beginning and the current, that leads to dark paths of thought with a broken lantern and an empty lighter. Love that the new occurred. how many memories painted that new, a lot right? blessings. and know that if whatever is is to be contiuned, it will be. no need to fret on maintaining that thrill of a start, just let it be. let it grow, become taller, more colorful. maybe let it stretch out. Get the gold off your face and hold it, stare at it awhile. You don't need a cure, an excuse, to explain, you do not need to relapse or refrain or regret or neglect, just acknowledge the way life has always swayed and take it's hand and let it teach you how to dance.

there is Something beautiful about a Clock that doesn't tick

that sound they make,
the most irritating thing i've ever known perhaps.
just why do we need to know, really,
how many seconds are left in this minute? or how many minutes in this hour, hours in this day, days in this life?
Time is not an enemy, simply a means of understanding created by God, as all things were, i believe to help us, God doesn't have bad ideas

it is so so nice to not know what time it is, i think not knowing that may be my favorite thing to not know. Some days we're tired of school, tired of existing, tired of having to explain why we're so tired, and if it's not fixed it often drags on over into the next day then it becomes a lifestyle. when something becomes, something else begins to be forgotten.
so, stop. Every thing that happens, from now on, this is, maybe try a cleanse of sorts. find zen. tap into that peace department your heart has been designed to carry.
it is okay to feel hazy,
it is okay to end things and start things and not know what to do about things,
to not know where you're going, that's okay, because you still know where you've been and the two are greatly dependent on each other.
it is okay.
maybe, yes, it says on the wall, All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. this can be seen a number of ways, choose this one: don't think about how much time you have, don't have, need, need to kill, wish you had, would like back, don't think about any of that. think about how this second, right now, you are here. you are breathing with a beating heart and some growing bones, and you are alive and that's on purpose.
an escape, a soul vacation, take one. find what you love, love what you find. get a job, quit a job, be alone, read a really fucking good book,
i'm reading this book right now about this girl who leaves her town with no idea and no destination what so ever. she says she's going to fill up her tank with gas, then leave, she wants a new name too right. she decides what ever the town is in which her gas runs out, that's her name. fills up again. whichever town she runs out of gas in , that's where she will stay
fiction is a little extreme, but hey 'we all have our topics'.
breathe a little deeper.

dried tomato

some people fall in love with other people, some people fall in love with things, some people fall in love with places. recently i fell in love with the sun it was truly, unexpected i mean the sun and i have known each other for years then out of nowhere i'm seeing it every day. not just seeing it i mean, but seeing it. seeing the rays of gold and violet shatter the barrier of glass and clouds, like it's reaching for me. Or stepping outside to a flood of agaonized faces complaining on the heat and looking up and seeing That sun, that sun that seems to somehow have been waiting for me to walk by. Chasing it. ever chased the sun? it changes colors.
i dont know, man, just the sun is everything we are all supposed to be. it's so aware of it's purpose, it knows who it is, it knows how to be and where to go all the time. Sure some days we'd rather it stay in bed or on the other side of the world maybe, but really think. beauty. beautiful, the sun is.
in love.

One cannot believe in both God and coincidence.

a midsummer's night

Rolling home a quarter past midnight I said farewell to my lost boys in the band wagon. love was in the air tonight as were heat and curiosity. The beauty began with an ear of corn and a string of Silver. continued with a children's play, was given new life by a dark car ride, and grew tremendously at a small shop of coffee. not only was the coffee everything my summer soul had been longing for, albert einstein himself was there, IN THE FLESH.just a few chairs away. His wisdom radiated throughout and among the eclectic persons present.time passed, we said until again, and arrived at the palace home. Ya know, the kind where you're not sure if that chair is for sitting or just for decoration. six half naked bodies with saltwater eyes, and minds which forgot King clock. words floated across the pool as the stars did in the sky above us. Each heart had a different focus, yet somehow we remained each in attune with the others. perhaps it was the heavy heads full of then and now. Maybe the ones who drew out paths to cross knows something we do now. maybe we were high on the air of june, with colored youth clouding our senses.maybe it will always. Be that way.

From the eyes of a swan where the wishing dust grew

Eyelashes. ive got a habit of pulling mine out. during passive activites like reading or movies or sitting in the car, some people pull out their own hair or eyelashes without even noticing. there's a fancy name for it, starts with a t, but im not doctor so let's not give it the pleasure. Eyeyye i just did it AGAIN, it makes me so angry with myself that everyday i lose three or five or seven eyelashes just because of this sickening habit, but i've no idea how to stop.

When I was five i was in a swimming lesson, rubbed my eyes, and a small curved eyelash rested on my thumb as I pulled my hand away. my swim teacher told me that because it was on my thumb, i could wish on it.
maybe Trichotillomania (oop, let it slide) is a subconsious desire for more chances to wish.
seems like people wish on everything these days, stars, dandelions, necklaces, eyelashes, pennies, fountains, statues, a certain time of day. Seems like msot of what I've ever wished for has come true. perhaps maybe once we wish something, that desire is brought forth from our secret heart, into our hestitant throats, and out of our alwase moving mouths. Once said, it is also heard. Being heard, we feel as though it must happen, to prove something almost. prove ourselves, the power of the object wished upon, or the fate on the side of the wish itself.
im beginning to think wishing is our human way or revealing to ourselves what we truly want to happen, the things we're hung up on, or crave, the people we wish to know, throw it up to the sky. Wish outloud, wait and see.
cause you wouldn't wish for something you knew was going to happen, right?

and the children sing.

Looking at a map of the world, the first thing I notice is the colors, almost every map of the world is some shade of blue and green. water and land, ya know, then I see the shapes of the green, how a couple of them are similar just with bulges or points in different places. And some take up like a whole side while others are so little your nose pretty much has to touch the wall just to notice it's there. then i notice the words, cities islans seas harbors countries towns mountains continents oceans pasages penninsulas channels deserts bays. and i realise how familiar I am with this map and i wonder about the people living in the dark, the people who have never ever seen a map, the ones who don't know what map means or what one looks like, the people that have no word for map in their language simply because maps are not much a part of their culture. maybe they don't even realise there is a whole world beyond their own city or village or family or bowl.
Earlier I was looking at this map in Room right, poking pins into the wall on the places ill go. After looking at the World for awhile, It starts seeming more and more as though it isn't so big after all. just, after all, us, we, you, i, are incomprehensibly..small.
We all know the places spain, italy, paris, china, US, pacific ocean, Mediterranean,brazil, pacific, we all know those. since the age of six we are reminded and schooled of those places at a rate nearly constant. you can see why so many of us say we want to travel the world, we spend our whole childhood hearing stories and seeing pictures. it's human nature to desire to see it for ourselves. how about the south sandwich islands in the scotia sea, just east of the coast of argentina. The great victoria desert in south australia. the white sea dividing russia from the Kola penninsula. Natal, campeche, somerset island, spitsbergen, Sredinnyy khrebet, balakovo, toulouse, glasgow, Corpus christi, la rioja.
overwhelming.
the world is much bigger than us, yes, and we are much bigger than ants.
if i could I would step foot, barefoot, on every inch of everywhere of World, The. beautiful, she is beautiful. and so much. How unbelievable that almost everything we each physically personally know is all on this one place. Every where we've ever heard of, everyone we've ever met, is all here.
i love it.
This place, how could anyone ever get tired of it, there is so much, I look at this map once more with one bare manifest admiration for being so much and so glorious, truly, what is all of this but Gods work and idea.
Our world is one of timeless wisdom, it was brought to life by a being much larger than itself, and from that day it has lived in out through while across under and between all that we know as history. all the animals, personalities, fruits, foods, oils, inventions, flowers, hair colors, bones, from always. it's all here and so are we.
wonderful, i'd say.