elvis stein

-so I watched the leaves fall all of the way to the ground, and i knew that that was what love is to die so that it could be found- 'if she gets much prettier we might just have to kill her'
Im finding that whatever there is to be thankful for, each ful is pure evidence of the abundant manner in which God expresses his love for his creation.
Black coffee goes tremendously with orwell.

'life is alwase my favorite colour"

tonight at olive garden our table was in dire need of a King and danforth humbly took up the position. an eclectic mix of people, could maybe be called the outcasts almost. We don't really fit in with others, and we don't really fit in with each other. There fore we all have something in common, birds of a feather you could say, simply though a dozen different birds. I told bobby that 2 years and one day ago we became friends and he said, this, he said, you know That's why you're going to be a good writer. Because you remember things like that. then my insides melted a little and love overflowed into a smile. It was my birthday at olive garden but luke skywalker seemed to be onto the charade so no singing was exhibited.
Alicia daniel and I went into the bathroom to put water in his hair because that helps headaches? and i saw us in the mirror and thought when I woke up this morningi had no idea that 12 hours later I'd be in the ryker bathroom painting water onto daniels hair with alicia with beauty in the beast playing in the next room and a handful of hooligans hollering happily. And I also never thought in that same bathroom the three of us would have a one night sit, speaking words of unhindered truth and listening with six ears of the winter. listening abundantly. Good talks, good hearts growing.
On our way to shades bobby and I saw a hitchhiker dancing in the road so i picked her up and her name was melissa and she had a prayer book. Not exactly sure how she wandered so far or what predicament seemed to so deeply frazzle her. But bobby and I were talking about jesus and she said she liked our conversation and then at66th some peculiar institution of sorts seemed to desire her company, her departure leaving the two of us rather curious and moderately skeptical. Oh well melissa. First hitchhiker.
At shades I begged loyal to come to thanksgiving with me tomorrow but he said he didn't want to be awkward to which I reminded him that no matter where he goes when why how and with whom, it would be awkward. Because that's simply his method of existence. He laughed and we compromised.
Bobby and i drove home and as i was leaving his home, car accidentally fell into a little ditch and stuck for close to an hour. Beautiful way to begin thanksgiving, and a thursday. The bobbys marched outdoors one by one, into the star ceilinged sleep walking planet earth to assist. Extraordinary people. Five of us, 1 in the morning thanksgiving 2011, thankful. In the circumstance, not necesarily for but absolutely in. Because for one moment there was no going anywhere, no leaving, it was there stuck still, and there was nothing left to do but look up into the glory and know that life Is bigger than this and this is a good thing, broken axel burning rubber, this is a good thing because at least I HAVE a car to fall into a ditch in. At least we HAVE a morning to be awoke up too early on. we have voices to complain with, we have voices to rejoice with, choose what to do with yours. The soul of the chosen, sing like we used to dance like we want to.
There is so much to be thankful for and herre in this second i am most thankful for this whole peculiar life thing. Life and the way its so uncomfortable sometimes and other times the way its unusually smooth. nothing like it truly.

look around with intention, let your dream life be this moment

ocn

And their hearts only keep beating because hearts need not eyes nor light to do so.
for if they did, they would fall silent, unmoving, of blindness. people are mean. that is a truth. it exists, evil. it exists. And we have to love those who do not love us. and i think that the broken hearts we have toward those who have let evil succumb them are a sheer evidence of the love we have for said persons.

as they grow older the evil grows within them. because it is easier to live in the difficulty of hopelessness than it is to believe. It is easier to live life without rest than it is to admit being in need of rest. ,, for them,.

Love has reached them perhaps just on the wrong day. perhaps love said the wrong thing or walked a crooked step and somehow offended them. /but can love ever be wrong? and by loving anything they're lying to someone. either to themselves or to the world. if their lvoe is genuine, then their evilness is the antithesis. if their evil is their truth, then how can love truthfully come OF them?

that
is the difference.
perhaps the only significant difference that exists between two or more
things.
good, and. evil.
and all other smaller differences are dervied from that
one.

you were Misunderstood but the King praised your loyal ty

the other night i parked in front of a trashcan.
on this trashcan someone had painted in red, "money is not wealth"
i wished that all of tulsa, all of america, all of us here on this earth today could have read that. the world, not that it means to enemise or corrupt, is so devoted to it's money. to its success. and who wouldnt be if they were oblivious to truth and the hope beyond what this world offers, right? can't blame the blind for being blind, we can only teach them slowly to see. money is not wealth. this reminded of matthew 6-21, 'where your treasure is, there your heart will be also'. inversely that reads, where your heart is there your treasure will be also. in it's most primitive state, our treasure lies within what we love. so, i ask, where is, your, heart. where do you feel led, where do you long for when you leave. or who or what. that sir, is where your heart lies.

i think what we need to do is stop treasure hunting. stop seeking happiness, success, relationships, approval, and being to seek truth. and by truth, i of course mean Jesus. a friend lets call hilary once told me that when your heart is in the right place and your eyes are fixed on the Lord, the rest will be a natural outcome. 1. rest: as in freedom from trouble and weariness. refreshed as if from sleep or renewal. and 2 rest: as in everything else.
if we allow god to have our heart, and allow him to do with it whatever he wants( which i promise are good things romans 8:28), then he is where our heart is. oh hey funny how that worked out, because where our heart is there our treasure will be also.
so if our treasure is jesus, we are free completely to stop pursuing the things and ideas we believe will lead to treasure because He is already ours. if youve got him youve got everything you need okay?

Tonight i attended the wedding of a couple young love birds whom I have never before met. arriving, everyone in the chapel seemed painfully stoic. The air was so stiff and the talk so withheld, I found myself wishing the ceiling would break free of the walls and spread it's wings and fly off into the hills, making way for the golden leaves to rush in to the chapel and cause a ruckus of sorts. something bright to liven the mood, ya know. my heart was beginning to harden towards the place and people and so i prayed that God would allow me to see the value in these strangers that he sees in them.
then as cliche as it is, chasing cars by snow patrol started playing and all the wedding stuff was happening and looking around, every one looked so intriquged so truly captured by this whole show of love. the walls were down within every one present watching these two lives become one bigger life, and it was cool how love could unite people like that.
every one was really happy after that and we all stepped on the flower petals and i learned that middle aged women are far more conversationally pleasant when paired with a little whine. ben was talking to me about my plans, "plans" come up so much and personally i think plans are a shitty concept and should be refrained from. hopes, perhaps. dreams maybe. want to's, will do's, not plans. anyways he told me that from experience its probably best to stick around at some communty college for a few years then head off anywhere else. then i didn't say anything and he looked at me a little harder and said, "but you know. get a scholarship. go anywhere." right on, boverton. it's refreshing to be reminded that age is just a number and that being golden doesn't fade, and that this Great love is so much bigger than any mistake, any silence, any boundary, and any opinion. it's undeniable, inevitable, an IN YOUR FACE kind of love. like the rain outside you can't avoid it, and even if you close your eyes you can still feel it on your skin and stuff.

all the gold that we could eat,

remember remember the fifth of november, the gunpowder treason and plot.
i remember everything about last 5th of november, mostly because all day i was saying REMEMBER REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER. it worked i guess.

this fifth of novemeber was vastly different, and i was alone most of the day even when there were people all around me i was still kind of alone, been thinking a lot today how in one whole year i'm at the same coffee shop at the same time on the same day. different before and after events. different smells and sounds. different people standing with me. same red peacoat.
to day i realised that ive been living kind of in the past. not so much like fuck yeah man the eighties man, or um not like stuck back in Nam either, more so just allowing the past few months to linger a little too heavily within my heart soul and mind. there are so many rich memories so many words said and secrets kept, and its time to accept that despite their goodness and worth, they've run their course ya know. and there was this quote something about if we keep rereading one chapter of our life, we wont be able to start a new one. amen . hazah, so anywhoo i'm going to let go of some things. in fact i have, decided to a few hours ago. Feels good. i pray that someone else needs to do this too, and that they will see The freedom that comes with turning the page. and the Freedom in the freedom of being blessed with the Freedom to WRITE or create WHATEVER it is that you'd like that page to be.
how can we keep dancing with chained ankles and stained dresses? we can't. and we don't have to. Beautiful that we are often the only thing holding ourselves back, because all we have to do is to decide to stop doing that.

It's been comning up a lot lately that this world is not my home, but rather a place as temporary as the troubles and seasons that inhabit. however, it is beautiful, and i am growing to trust that all these people places and circumstances God has so craftily place before me are the right ones. i am where i should be.

so this fifth of november ive decided to embrace this a lone time, and by doing so of course my eyes were opened to the impossibility of true aloneness. i know too many names to ever be truly alone, loyal daniel not anna julie david and collin and other collin and me were sitting at shades of brown during this earthquake right and it was so cool because every one was quiet and together and we all just sat trying to understand. it faded, but the small ripples in my coffee cup revealed it wasn't ready to settle quiet yet. i love that. Maybe its just because they are so rare here, but really that little earthquake was BEAUTIFUL. you go, mother earth, kicking up trouble where its due. We all need to be shaken up a little. stirred, inspired, to wipe the fog from our vision and stomp on the ground to feel the sleepy blood race through our veins, to allow the moments resound be at home within our wobbly knees. Remind each of the living to check their mail and check their priorities and let them know that if they don't like where they are they should change it because they, are not, a tree.

remember remember the 5th of november. so as the words flow, my mind is hanging onto to a daydream i need to document, here i leave you.
p.s. getting home, the earthquake had knocked everything down and shattered off of my fireplace mantle, everything except the box of my beloved grandma's ashes. And the world tries to convince us the angles are a sham. no world, Your lack of heart to notice the angels is a sham. Sham shsam ahsamsam.

tonight was a golden jewel on the crowned glory of autumn.