it's not just cowboys and indians

tonight was ablaze with intention and divine appointment. tulsa is such a handful of radiance, bustle, and chosen youth.
ya know when you are near someone and the purpose for their life just radiates and they can't even understand because that beautiful oblivion of humility has capsized them,,
that is what tonight was
and tonight made sense.

xxx

Amsterdam is beautiful the way that an old storybook is beautiful.
it is beautiful in the way of a torn tattered sweater.
It is at once believing people still need shoes of wood
and homes of cheese
whilst mistaking cannabis for joy
and sex for truth.

emptiness is with me and my heart is bare
Here,
at the end of the day
i am a train station full of shattered philosophies
an undiscovered annex of light
i am a native, a meddler, an artist
i amsterdam

Life is painting a picture, not adding a sum

these past few weeks have been really hard and the hardest thing i have come to learn is that it is the pursuit of moments which plagues their worth. you cannot, you simply cannot and should not go hunting for moments. little memories, instances stop treating them like easter eggs and start treating them like shooting stars.
there is no quota, no ratio expected of moments to nonmoments.
manufactured moments can be special but there is only so much that can be obtained from them. because if half of their substance was intentional or expected then that only leaves one half of the moment to have been truly captivating and remarkable.
i am learning this among much else
about
moments.

i am learning to step out of my own head every here and there and so and almost zoom the perspective away from the sounds and steps to just really see. and look around, take a quick tour of this happenstance of history before it flits away into what has been.

similar to butterflies, we chase moments because they are pretty because they are desirable. when we have them we can tell people all about it, however when we chase them and catch them there is little to do next aside from release them (either immediately or at a later time).
But when we forget to chase the butterflies- when we are still conscious of their prescense but no longer rabid for their company, and one gracefully steps into place on our shoulders or toes, we notice it and love and get swept up in it before it flies away to the it's next fortunate subject.

so do not chase the butterflies let them come when they will.
and do not live in waiting for them, that will only lead to longing when they go.
trust that they will come and have them when they do and love them when theyre gone and collect whatever beauty they leave you with.