this world is so full of truth. like one of those stone walls from back in the day. You're just standing there, toes touching the bottom, face to face with stones of gray. Big stones. old.

vienna waits for you.

Goverened or characterized by an abrupt change in feeling, opinion, or action, due to a whim or fancy.

a lot of the time I don't tell people things because i know they wouldn't understand them. i'm sparing them the contemplation it would take to make sense of things that aren't even really that important. not that most people would even care enough to contemplate what i don't tell them. that's another thing, sometimes I don't tell people things because I know that it would not matter as much to them as it does to me. and that would make me sad. it shouldn't really, though. just because i care about things doesn't mean everyone is going to. human nature. I really need to work on that human nature thing.
today i just felt like I wasn't seeing anything. besides people. i saw people pretending a lot. i even pretended a little.
but mostly i just felt like i do when i first wake up and my mind is still sleeping but my eyes are trying to get it to wake up. or that feeling when you open your eyes under water and you can only make out just enough to not die or break your nose.
it was a day of thought, around the same thing, for the most part.
many of my days are spent solely in thought.
not sure if that's for the better or for not the better.
todayye I thought a lot about that word capricious and how much it is wind. and how when it comes to the things and the people that really matter, i am so terribly capricious. because i love them so much. and i don't want to hurt them so much. capricious.
1. how
2. do
3. i
4. make
5. everyone
6. o
7. k?
Not that it is at all my job to make anyone anything. it would just be nice.
furthermore.
today was not bad nor terrific. it was okay. simply okay. i just wish that i could make sense of things that i see and know in my mind so that when i want to tell other people about them with my whole self, that they wouldn't get hurt or confused. that they would just be able to say, "Yes. I see what you mean" and that they really would see.
and also i wish that i knew what exactly it is that I want. and i wish i knew what i wanted when everything that i could possibly have wanted was right in front of me. and a part of me wishes to not be so capricious, but the rest of me knows that being capricious is a gloriously tragic, terribly free factor in being the wind.