Mr. Blue

I've accepted that you won't understand. You'll never get it. You'll never truly believe me. You. Are brilliant. You know how to say things through text that other people don't even know how to feel. You're my best friend. Honestly. Seriously. You're a retarded douche bag and completely oblivious to yourself. Your words are gloriously tragic. I ve accepted that you'll never know or grasp how inspiring you are. You. Keep me sane. Undoubtedly. You tell me to be okay, and you're often the only reason I am so. I meant it. I mean it. I love you.

The white dove dies red.

Perfection is suicide.
Perfection is disgusting and impossible, so just don't even try.
Perfection is a state of numbness towards yourself and everyone else. No paint on your hands. No calloused fingers from guitar strings. No messy bed hair, or mascara from last night.
To be perfect you must drop everything that makes you you.
So don't.
Because simply being who you are is ultimately more right.

Have a good day.

You're looking for something you can't find.
If you give it up you'll lose your mind.

Abundance, abundance.

Remember when you were a little girl and you'd go outside to look for lady bugs? You'd be out there for hours searching and not finding any,then eventually you would fall asleep in the grass. A long time later you would wake up and you were covered in lady bugs.

Well, that's kind of what love is like.

Merci beaucoup, mon copains.

I'm already: Heartbroken. Confused. Sad. Angry. And jealous.


Let's just add hurt to the list as well.

Heaven.

Once upon a time there was a small family. The parents had an image of an amazing home in their minds. A home where their children would know no pain, or fear. However, before this home could be built, the family had to live in a small apartment for awhile. The children were very very happy at the apartment. The parents were happy there, but not too happy because they understood what more was ahead of them. The children did not. When it was time to move to the new home, the children did not want to go. To them, the apartment was home. They figured if they were already so happy at this home, why should they go anywhere else? To the children, the small apartment was the only place they ever wanted to live.

When the parents finally convinced the children that their new home would be much better and far more glorious and charming, they left the apartment. The kids walked into their new home, the exact home that the parents had invisioned, and all was perfect. This home.. it was beyond the boundaries of the children's imagination. It was safe and beautiful and full of life. The previous bickering between the children and their parents about homes had dissolved. The family lived in harmony in that glorious haven of a home, where they would never again know fear or pain.

Cool story, bro.

Don't let your life become too casual.

Coop.

You lie. To me, to everyone, to yourself. You admit that you lie. But you don't even care. You seem to care about very little besides yourself and what you want. You do everything you can to tear apart the good that others have going for them. I find it funny that one month ago you were begging me to take you back. Apologizing. Complimenting. Telling me how much you "love me" all the time. Haha. It was annoying, and ridiculous. You say I'm the only girl that can truly make you happy yet you text me about how stupid I am and how you and your friends are laughing at me. My friends and I don't laugh at you. We just feel bad for you. You don't deserve our pity, but you have it. Because you're so mean to everyone you love and you're the most hypocritical person I've ever known. I apologized for the minuscule damage I recently made to your heart. And I hoped that after that we could be done. But you had to keep telling me everything that you think is wrong with me. To you, I'm a bad Christian, I'm judgmental and hypocritical, but I'm the only girl who can make you happy. It seems that all you ever do is lie. You keep talking to me, and I honestly don't care. After everything you've put me through I just do not care. At all. I don't care what you think of me, say about me, or do to try and destroy my happiness as you previously have. Just stop.

More Text

I don't know what this is going to say. I don't know what words I'll use. But they'll come. They always do. I never run out of words. Here. I'll pour my heart out.

I think you're in love with me. That sounds egotistical and silly. But it what's I'm picking up. It's what I feel.

Sometimes it's hard to feel alive. When you tell everyone something you think is true and it turns out to be a lie. That kind of sucks a little of the life out of you.

I'm okay. Not good. Not bad. Not excellent or horrible. But I'm okay. Sure, I cry like everyday. But I still have everything I love.

Everyone keeps saying that they're sorry and I'm going mad. Just stop. I'm not sorry, and it's my life, so why should you be sorry? None of you caused it. The last thing I want is pity.

It still doesn't feel like summer. I sleep in, and don't go to school, and I wear dresses all the time, and Josh's is opened. So?

Something keeps pulling me back to the same place. It forgets that I'm the wind. I forget sometimes.

So, I make a blanket fort where I feel safe. And continue to sit and fade away.

I've learned a lot of things in the past fourteen years, one month, and twelve days and this is a list of some of some of those things.

1. Love isn't always instinct.
2. The person that's right for you is usually standing right behind the one you thiiink is right for you.
3. People that you would never have imagined in your life often become some of your best friends.
4. It's usually a good idea to always have bandaids with you.
5. If you spend time with someone you will inevitably develop their habits.
6. Nicknames lead to friendship.
7. Best friends are the people who know you better than you ever will.
8. Everyone loses who they are because no one know's who they are to begin with.
9. High school is fantastic.
10. When you hold hands with someone, and they don't fit together well, it matters.
11. Being in love is much easier than loving someone.
12. Coffee. Is good.
13. We're given a certain amount of time to decide who we want to be and many of us waste it on trying to be someone else.
14. Elephants cannot spoon.
15. Some of the best storms are slept through.
16. Every museum has a gift shop.
17. Getting lost can be difficult.
18. Wishes come true.
19. Being okay and completely content is beautifully rare.
20. Learn to love the things you hate and everything becomes much easier.