remember remember the fifth of november, the gunpowder treason and plot.
i remember everything about last 5th of november, mostly because all day i was saying REMEMBER REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER. it worked i guess.
this fifth of novemeber was vastly different, and i was alone most of the day even when there were people all around me i was still kind of alone, been thinking a lot today how in one whole year i'm at the same coffee shop at the same time on the same day. different before and after events. different smells and sounds. different people standing with me. same red peacoat.
to day i realised that ive been living kind of in the past. not so much like fuck yeah man the eighties man, or um not like stuck back in Nam either, more so just allowing the past few months to linger a little too heavily within my heart soul and mind. there are so many rich memories so many words said and secrets kept, and its time to accept that despite their goodness and worth, they've run their course ya know. and there was this quote something about if we keep rereading one chapter of our life, we wont be able to start a new one. amen . hazah, so anywhoo i'm going to let go of some things. in fact i have, decided to a few hours ago. Feels good. i pray that someone else needs to do this too, and that they will see The freedom that comes with turning the page. and the Freedom in the freedom of being blessed with the Freedom to WRITE or create WHATEVER it is that you'd like that page to be.
how can we keep dancing with chained ankles and stained dresses? we can't. and we don't have to. Beautiful that we are often the only thing holding ourselves back, because all we have to do is to decide to stop doing that.
It's been comning up a lot lately that this world is not my home, but rather a place as temporary as the troubles and seasons that inhabit. however, it is beautiful, and i am growing to trust that all these people places and circumstances God has so craftily place before me are the right ones. i am where i should be.
so this fifth of november ive decided to embrace this a lone time, and by doing so of course my eyes were opened to the impossibility of true aloneness. i know too many names to ever be truly alone, loyal daniel not anna julie david and collin and other collin and me were sitting at shades of brown during this earthquake right and it was so cool because every one was quiet and together and we all just sat trying to understand. it faded, but the small ripples in my coffee cup revealed it wasn't ready to settle quiet yet. i love that. Maybe its just because they are so rare here, but really that little earthquake was BEAUTIFUL. you go, mother earth, kicking up trouble where its due. We all need to be shaken up a little. stirred, inspired, to wipe the fog from our vision and stomp on the ground to feel the sleepy blood race through our veins, to allow the moments resound be at home within our wobbly knees. Remind each of the living to check their mail and check their priorities and let them know that if they don't like where they are they should change it because they, are not, a tree.
remember remember the 5th of november. so as the words flow, my mind is hanging onto to a daydream i need to document, here i leave you.
p.s. getting home, the earthquake had knocked everything down and shattered off of my fireplace mantle, everything except the box of my beloved grandma's ashes. And the world tries to convince us the angles are a sham. no world, Your lack of heart to notice the angels is a sham. Sham shsam ahsamsam.
tonight was a golden jewel on the crowned glory of autumn.
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