Circa Aug. 25

it is never fair
to love a gypsy.
And this room sings into the quiet of my mind
finally.
i'm trusting.
some Change is an 'accident;.
some change comes in the mail or
via phone.
other change is chosen.
And in this second I am
choosing

to change my eyes
towards the changes.
it is here so I will have It.
here is this n[e][o]w.
air, feeling, face, season, reason,
drenched in divine Jesus ink.
covered in his fingerprints
faithful

Martha

sometimes you wake up and you don't know where you are. in the night a shabby gypsy train came to your window and stole you and shipped you across the Ocean to california. the Long way. and everything looks so familiar but feels so foreign, that you cannot seem to determine whether it is your body, or your heart- that has shifted.
one may call it a soul vacation, to live and change and not understand completely where you have been but to know that today, for whatever reason, has healed you somewhere somehow. even if just for a moment and even if just a little.

how extraordinary and how grateful i am for the hearts in us that have the capacity to notice the absence of places feelings things and people. to miss and to long for, to have those abilities is a miracle, i feel.
but then again i feel too much.

when your lungs fill with concern and all of the watches are broken, we are brought to that familiar peculiar fragility of life once again. should we pray to be enchanted? should we pray for something so heart shatteringly fleeting? now, is that righteous?
i don't believe that we will ever read enough books or take enough pictures. we will never be done listening and not listening to the wisdom of our mothers. never will we forget some things that we should never have had to remember and at once we will never remember as much as we desire to.
in effort to be and know grace, we must realise that our striving is brought to a screeching halt in it's presence. as mercy pours into our lives, these aches we cling to- the ones of knowing the expectations that we will always never meet- they are swallowed in the sea of salvation.
and at once, she with the violet name,
locks eyes with the S(u)[o]n
and every bruise is laid bare to burning
a discomfort which must be endured
because discipline is so deeply derived from a love
so deeply designed.
and she stands healed and whole.
 and it is time to leave the desert.

Go, live well,
live blessed.

peaches

i want to challenge myself as a person, break habits and build skills. do things on purpose with intention, even if the reason is just because. quiet the thoughts within that have been begging me to focus on all my weaknesses, physically, spiritually, mentally, creatively. Jesus did not create us fearfully and wonderfully so that we can sit around fearful and worrying.
be joyful always.
but what a challenge that is, almost more so when everyone expects it of you. i pray for my roots to be established in love but truly i'm not so sure what that even means. and every human gets sick with feelings, they drive us and we let them.
i want to
sit and stare at trees until
i understand anything.
and seek solitude with my creator
until i trust that some things
are not for me to understand.
satan attacks our self image and our daily concerns because he does not want us to See the beauty and detail with which God has so divinely designed us. the enemy desires our attention to be absolutely anywhere but after the heart of jesus. God promises to provide and seek us, and is constantly doing so but we are often distracted from his faithfulness when Small fragments of worry shattering pieces of our peaces.
don't let circumstances hinder your joy.
our hearts are created with eternal intentions, kingdom bound. this is what makes it so difficult to understand why and how to handle things ending and changing.

i understand that if anyone who reads these words does not know Jesus personally, that everything here will be absolutely meaningless and unresolved.
that's been on my heart as well, because i struggle with doubt more than anything else spiritually.
but i am always always brought back to that place on broken humble knees
with a bare heart and open eyes and i just remember and realise
that nothing is worth it without jesus.

some days it take effort to make life beautiful or to see the beauty in it. this past week my the light in my eyes has been someone dim but it is never too late nor too early to choose joy.

the Woods

when nothing matters except the map on the wal
and this fragile magic of a time has got you
singing in your sleep
laughing at the morning sun.


where even words words ever have you been where
haven't lost it
we do not lose ourselves, we only lose focus


love never dies, it only changes faces

The Dead Sea

this is such a fragile time.
and we can embrace it with fear or choose to respond with trust.
When change is as thick as the heat in the august air we are led to sit in the center of our father's hands. looking up at him with pleading curiosity because we, as humans, so desperately desire to know the next step the next bit of dialogue the next catastrophe and miracle. We look up into the presence of Jesus, eyes laden with innocence and maybe a sparkle of fear.
the truth is that it is extraordinarily terrifying that we do not know what is next.
the past few days or so satan has been tempting me to be afraid because as so many new choices and feelings and obligations approach, we become vulnerable to the devil's tools; anxiety, worry, doubt, wounded confidence, and ,, fear.

But here i ask jesus to wake me up in every way of the word, every way possible, that he lead me down every endless route of awakening. because we are no longer slaves to satan's fantasies. Fear is a deadly poison but it's power has been made completely obsolete by the blood of Jesus Christ.
i choose you, i choose joy

yes, part of our earthly journey is meeting spiritual obstacles and overcoming satan's attacks, these things cannot be avoided. however they can be detected and brought to a screeching halt with the sound of holy His name. be on guard.
the light God pours into us, radiates externally as joy, love, peace of mind, goodness, purity, honesty, and hope. Satan hates when these qualities are exposed to the world because he is absolutely terrified of their power. the enemy cringes in fear at the power alive underneath your skin.
you have authority. as children of the king, we must not allow fear and anxiety to enslave us.
this is only possible by hiding in our heart the truth of who we are, where we came from, and where we are going. -chosen. from Him. to Him. - His. his hands. his kingdom.

you are important.

wake up to the sound, of your fleeting heart

i am beginning to believe that we are born to wake up
and those of us who fail to do so
will simply fall into a most certain death
not a physical death so much as
a life death.
an emptiness and
it is heart shattering to hold dear lives that hold to nothing.
sometimes the devil weaves lies into our minds over the course of a day or a week or a summer.
sometimes he shoots them at us from a demon machine gun,
wounding us right wherever we are most vulnerable.
but sometimes,
perhaps the worst times,
he tackles two year old cities and in them he takes goodness and makes it an idol
he takes lust and makes it a practice
he takes truth and makes it a ration,
because all his power witholds is a little room for alterations.
he cannot steal joy
satan cannot steal faith.
And often times we are stripped and stolen of all else so that we will finally
see
that nothing else is as real nor as mandatory
to live these awake sort of lives.

a storm is stirring in the kingdom
and the children sing here on their knees
the demons fret and fear and flee
and holy hands search for the king.